January 4

Must-Hear Podcast: Sex Chat For Christian Wives

I'm not sure how I stumbled onto this podcast. But if you're married, you need to check out the podcast, "sex talk for Christian wives."

Quite honestly, you could benefit from this podcast whether you're the wife or the husband.

I believe I've talked about this elsewhere on this web site. But in case I haven't covered it clearly enough, or in case you just haven't seen it, it's probably good for any visitor to this site to know where I stand on this stuff.

I stand firmly within the Evangelical Christian camp. That may surprise you, coming from a site where much of the content is (or hopefully, soon will be) about sexual intimacy, and about supplements that, among other things, help immensely in that department.

But it is true. 

I believe that sex, while a usually wonderful and pleasurable experience, is not the end goal.

Sex and sexual expression is a means to an end. God's purpose in sex is to give a man and a woman a tool to knit them together in the most intimate way possible, and in so doing, give them a "living in it" picture of Christ and His relationship with His bride, the church.

I'm not condemning anyone who holds a different view. If you don't agree with what evangelical Christianity stands for, you're free to disagree with me.

But I bring up the point because I want to give a quick review of the podcast I'm referring to here. And you have to know what my perspective is to get a "radar fix" on where I'm coming from as I write this review. 

"Sex Chat For Christian Women" is one of the most refreshing podcasts I've come across in a long time.

I've always been fortunate enough to have a wife (more than one, now, actually, and unfortunately) who has been relatively comfortable with the idea of sex and sexuality as a gift from God.

But not everyone is like that. I do know a number of people who grew up being told that sex is somehow inherently dirty. They seem to totally miss the idea that sex was God's idea.

These women get it. They get it big-time. And they're not afraid to discuss it - freely, openly, and sometimes, in pretty "bare it all" detail.

If you're looking for erotica, this ain't it.

Just in case you're a little on the "prudish" or bashful side, I will warn you that their conversations get rather graphic sometimes. They are very direct and to the point.

But if you're on the "looking for a good sexually stimulating conversation" side, you're going to be a little disappointed. Because these ladies are always careful to be modest with their speech. They get to the point, but never in a provocative way.

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They get their points across in a way that keeps you mindful of God's purposes for sex all the while they delve into all the topics of discussion.

I highly recommend this "Sex Chat" podcast for both women and men.

I don't know if these women have husbands in mind when they record the podcast. They speak to each other in terms of their female perspective.

But the conversations could prove to be invaluable for any husband who is interested in better understanding how a woman thinks (and feels) about (and during) sex. For example, they have a couple episodes back in their archives where one of the women discusses her anger and frustration that she had to process when she discovered her husband had a porn problem.

By the way, if you're curious, she did get her husband's permission to share that story.

I think there may be a point or two where they maybe don't "get it." But that's ok.

When I say this, I am trying to be gracious because no one ever always gets it totally right. (Not even me, I suppose.)

A particular place where I'm not sure they "get it" has to do with those particular episodes about husbands and the use of pornography. The particular part I'm not sure they "get" has to do with some of the physiological differences between the way men's and women's brains are typically wired differently.

An interesting little factoid is that that part of the brain that is wired to light up for a woman when she is hungry and smells food is the same part of the brain that in a man is wired to light up when he is hungry and smells food, too: but also, that part of a male brain is physiologically wired to light up with visual sexual stimulation in a man.

And like it or not, there are a lot of old testament references that do seem to handle the idea of multiple wives differently than they (never) do about women having multiple husbands.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm not advocating for polygamy. And I'm not rationalizing that it's ok to view porn.

The thing is these ladies talk very well about how they feel about the idea of their husbands and viewing porn, but this particular aspect of the conversation just seems to just be absent from the conversation.

I do believe that if they understood this point, they might have a different perspective on what is going on with the male brain.

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But having said that, I still say their perspectives are invaluable on this matter and many others.

And even if they don't totally understand the male brain, any husband could benefit from hearing their hearts.

Men, the way your brain is wired is not your fault. But it is your problem. I just wish women understood what it is like to be male with a brain that is constantly "lighting up," but with a man who has almost second-naturedly learned to ignore those constant flashes of light.

Here's the deal, men. Even if they don't get that part of our equation, you can still benefit from hearing these women discussing this issue so you can get a feel for how important it is for you to get a handle on this porn problem, if you have it.

Ladies, if you understood this about a man, you might all the more admire him for it.

I first heard this discussed years ago on a podcast that I think is unfortunately no longer around. But the concept has stuck with me. And I am one of those men who is blessed with a wife who gets it.

Picture being at a smorgasbord when you're hungry. You can choose to take beef, salmon, perch, chicken, turkey, luscious gourmet burgers and the like. You can only choose one of those.

Feel what that is like, and then try to picture this from a man's perspective.

For the man, eating your fill at the smorgasbord doesn't fill you up. Because your brain always lights up. Whenever you see a beautiful woman, or you're exposed to some young thing on the beach in a skimpy bikini, you're brain says "you're starving."

A good man (a mature and virtuous man) will hopefully (and typically does) learn to ignore those constant flashes of "hunger" as part of "the way life is."

He is distracted a hundred and eleventy-three times a day with those "flashes" in his brain that says, "I want that."

But he has trained himself to ignore it.

So picture the smorgasbord again. Only this time, your husband goes up there with you and says, "I choose the salmon. For the rest of my life. I choose salmon and only salmon. That's the meal for me."

Every day, he goes to the smorgasbord, sees the steak, the perch, the chicken, the gourmet burgers, and says, "I'll take the salmon, please."

Ladies, if you can appreciate the fact that this guy is faced every day with these choices and day after day chooses you above all others - you and only you, hopefully you'll admire him for what he lives with and never talks about just so you can feel safe, and secure and that you are his one and only.

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I wish women could get that, and not feel threatened by it, but instead feel flattered about it.

Like I said, that is maybe my only criticism of the show. And it isn't really a problem so much as maybe just a bit of a missing dimension.

But in so many other ways, they shine. And at the end of the day, there is so much good to get out of this podcast that even if this part is "missing" (just a little) they still approach the situation from the woman's perspective with so much grace and character that it's still stellar in my books.

The episodes where they discuss some of these difficult issues are the very places where their love for Jesus shines most brightly.

They will tell you some valuable things. Like the idea that if you're dealing with an issue like this, you have to be careful who you let into your little "circle of trust" in confiding to a friend about what you are struggling with.

They realize that it's all too easy for a female friend to judge your husband if he is struggling with an issue like this. And so you need to find someone mature enough to not judge the man you're trying to be able to keep on a pedestal even though he is human.

Anyway, enough of that. Because aside from this one potential "flaw" of them maybe not "getting this one particular point," they're stellar. They're thoughtful, honest and they walk a fine line of discussing issues frankly but not in an embarrassing way, nor a titillating way.

From lotions to positions to toys and whether or not you should use them, they cover it all.

It's a remarkable group of women and I'm extraordinarily impressed with their podcast. They serve God well in covering what is a delicate topic with wisdom, maturity, grace, humor and sometimes some downright good laughter.

You can find them on itunes (and I imagine the Android store, too, if there is one).

Ladies, gentlemen, check it out. And maybe even listen with your spouse.

I'm telling you. They get this thing called sex and what God has intended it to be in your marriage.

And if you connect with them, please tell them I recommended their show.


Roo Ninja

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